When I was a teenager I spent a whole hell of a lot of time in my bedroom. I still do (this calls for another post for another time). While in that beautiful mess of a typical teenage girl's sanctuary, I was running through the Internet and exploring all that it had to offer and more. I started blogging and really using the Internet for other reasons than just instant messaging and playing silly games during the few years when blogs, street style photography, social media, and heavy documentation of everyday life started to really take off (probably 2007/2008). When the Cobrasnake was still relevant, The Sartorialist and Garance Doré were new, and Elin Kling was still just Elin Kling from Stockholm. For a while I was just a consumer. I dabbled in some production (right here on this very platform - several reincarnations before what it is now). But mostly I consumed. I grew up on Style.com (which is why I'm devastated it's now "Vogue Runway"), I trolled through Nylon (discovered a lot of bands through their annual summer playlists), and was always on NME's Twitter looking for new music and movie news. And then Tumblr walked into my life around 2009 and it opened so many more doors.
Hanging out on NME, Nylon, Style.com, and Tumblr introduced me to so many of my favorite things. When I look back at my high school years, I can cleanly divide up each year by what music I listened to. This is important to me because high school was not a fun time. I felt alienated with my interests - which was made worse by enjoying the things I did, in a way - and I wasn't a very social person. My idea of a good time was listening to that new and exciting music that I discovered late that one night. Or watching that new movie with that new actor I picked up on last week. At the time, listening to Gossip (the first CD I ever bought myself was Music For Men - I loved that album cover and was entranced by Heavy Cross), The Knife (I saw them last April before they split!), Franz Ferdinand and so many more artists was my way into a world that was grown up and glamorous. I was stuck in rural, middle America and the Internet was my way out. I started to create stories about a fabulous 20-something alter ego living in New York (of course!) and started making Internet friends (one of whom is still very close to my heart today) through shared interests.
Those five years have been coming back to me lately. I don't know what it is - I'm crediting it to The L Word, actually. The show was on TV from 2004 - 2009 and although it's a little bit before the times I'm talking about, I still feel nostalgic for it. I did, however, grow up and paid attention to the fashions around that time and when I see Bette wearing her lacy camisole tops with hipster belts, mini purses, and velvet blazers and Shane and her low rise jeans I can't help but go "Oh my gosh, yes! Remember when!" And I remember when Prop 8 was trying to get overturned (I was still revisiting L.A. repeatedly when gay marriage was legalized). But when I really felt the wave of memories come crashing back was when Peaches showed up during an episode in season 1. I had forgotten all about Peaches until she performed I U She on the show. From there I re-discovered Ladyhawke, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Goldfrapp, Yelle, Annie, CSS, Le Tigre, Björk, Shiny Toy Guns, Róisín Murphy (her album Overpowered is still an all time favorite), and Ladytron. I was obviously very into women pop singers - a budding 14 year old feminist. And I have a full playlist dedicated to these days.
I've been riding on this nostalgic high school kick for about a month. Some credit is due to the fact that I'm living with parents again and with a 17 year old sister who is a senior. Also to the fact that I'm attending community college with a lackluster campus that's only 15 minutes away from home. Some days I'm heavily reminded of coming home at 3 o'clock, grabbing a snack, watching some Doctor Who on BBC America (David Tennant, who's with me!), then listening to some Goldfrapp, and maybe watching a movie with Cillian Murphy in it. Basically avoiding homework all together. A simpler time.
A part of me is a little ashamed that I feel that parts of my days are mirroring my high school days. Those were the days of dreaming and optimism. Now that I'm 20, things are supposed to be happening! The things I wrote for my alter ego should be coming true! Another part of me says it's alright, relive some of the past (I'm a Cancer after all). Everything happens for a reason and maybe the reasoning for these repercussions is this: the prime time is still on the horizon. Right now I'm being reminded of the dreaming stage that was 2008 - 2012 and am being told to keep dreaming for it's about to happen for real this time.